Time to say good bye ( again )

I am very frustrated. I cant seem to get it right.  Sometimes I feel like I am mad at the world and mostly at myself. I am not sure what I want or what I can do to make it better.  From the outside it looks like I have everything.  Beautiful house and a great job. A pretty dog and a nice husband.  Then why do I feel so unsatisfied.  I worked so hard to get here, went through so much crap to get here then why is it that I cant appreciate it and be content.  why is it that I want more? I have been thinking a lot about this for the last few months.  Actually been questioning this a lot.. why is that I want more and what is it that I really want?  I think I dont want to think too much about this and avoiding it sometimes is the best way of dealing with it....

I will be 45 years old -- WOW!!!

hello blog reader (s)
so i will be 45 years old in three days. wow.. I dont want to think too much about that number because whatever I am supposed to feel as a 45 year old.. I dont feel -- I feel good.  I have never been this healthy or active. but I do want to make a list of things I want to achieve this year -- some things I dont want to deal with and they may have to wait but I do want to be a better swimmer.. I have started taking lessons.  We will see... and the other thing I really want to do or start to is to write a book.  It may never even get published but I want to start to write a book.