Time to say good bye ( again )

I am very frustrated. I cant seem to get it right.  Sometimes I feel like I am mad at the world and mostly at myself. I am not sure what I want or what I can do to make it better.  From the outside it looks like I have everything.  Beautiful house and a great job. A pretty dog and a nice husband.  Then why do I feel so unsatisfied.  I worked so hard to get here, went through so much crap to get here then why is it that I cant appreciate it and be content.  why is it that I want more? I have been thinking a lot about this for the last few months.  Actually been questioning this a lot.. why is that I want more and what is it that I really want?  I think I dont want to think too much about this and avoiding it sometimes is the best way of dealing with it....

I will be 45 years old -- WOW!!!

hello blog reader (s)
so i will be 45 years old in three days. wow.. I dont want to think too much about that number because whatever I am supposed to feel as a 45 year old.. I dont feel -- I feel good.  I have never been this healthy or active. but I do want to make a list of things I want to achieve this year -- some things I dont want to deal with and they may have to wait but I do want to be a better swimmer.. I have started taking lessons.  We will see... and the other thing I really want to do or start to is to write a book.  It may never even get published but I want to start to write a book. 

I love you I love you i love you i love you

Tomorrow I have to go to a funeral.  I really dont want to go because like most poeple, I hate funearls and  I dont even know the decesaed.  Nora asked me to go to be her support.  I am a bit baffled that she would ask me and I am greatly honored.  But mostly, I am extremly sad for this man who lost his life in a freak accident. Again, reminder how fragile life is and things can shift 360 degrees with no warning.. one day you are minding your own business, doing your thing and next day.. something like this happens.  What goes through his loved ones' mind? Did his kids tell him he loved him recently, Did his wife kiss him goodbye before he left on his last day? Did his neigbor wave as he drove away?  How does this make any sense? I am saddened by this in a lot of different levels. Want to make sure I tell ANYONE who I love, I love them. make sure I dont take anyone for granted.  People laugh at me because I am so touchy feely.. I tell people how good looking they are and how much I love them.. I get blamed for being too unprofessional and some even call me crazy.  I been called Aggressively Friendly because I am well a little too friendly but honestly... I dont want to change any of that.. So what? someone is mad because I am TOO nice? is there even such a thing?   So in honor of this man whom I dont even know..  I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU ... and if I LOVE YOU then you get me and understand that is my nature to love and let people know that... so lets celebrate life in a whole different way.. If you are reading this blog.. make sure you tell one person that you dont normally say this to, that you love them....

This job of mine. So challanging at times and I love it.  Never the same, the routine is different. Different people, different patients different health issues different needs different wants different standards different expectations different cultures -- One thing that never changes is that i really believe in what I do... I believe that it makes a difference to be geniune and real.  It makes a difference to really listen to what our patients want.  Sometimes, I am too busy charting or coming up with my 'recommendations" and then I stop and I think What am I doing? what is it that person wants or needs... what makes this 45 minutes worth their time? When I was in the hospital, I would have to really concentrate on charting and codes and that is why I was there. My interaction with the patients made no difference.  I decided when I started this job over five years ago  ( OMG or as Ka would say OMD) to really concentrate on what my patients wanted and I try my best to do that.  Sometimes my meeting has little to do with nutrtion. I hear my patiens cry and it breaks my heart.   I hear all the real issues they face everyday.  I want to make them feel heard and validated.  I hear moms who cant let their kids out for a walk cause it is not safe for them to be outside. I hear diabetic teens who dont want to inject insulin because they want to lose weight ( very high blood sugars makes body get rid of calories by peeing them out.. very risky behavior ). I hear middleagers who do not have enough money for food and cant affor their medicine.  I hear women who dont want to lose weight since they dont want to attract wrong attention from their sexual abusers - I hear mom and dad who use their obese teens to get back at each other.. and lists goes on and on.  How do you fix a life full of problems with a 45 minute appointment? I dont and I know that.. but I know also that everything will be helpful no matter how litte.

But yesterday.. I got such a cute evaluation. and this makes it all worth it

Little Thing in life

I have been bummed lately because I really miss the city and I miss my friends and especially you blog reader you.. This is such a different life style. I guess I should feel like I accomplished something because now we own a house and it is a very nice house with pretty backyard and oh the dog.. Dandy Dog is so cute.  I love having him.  he makes me laugh and he is so full of joy. Such a great little personality and he is super cute.   Oh my city days though.. god.. so much fun. LOVED LOVED LOVED living there.  so yesterday, I went to see Jaime and it was such a super fun day.  We went to a brunch for a little boy in Jaime's class and the kids were so super sweet.  Then we went for a walk and it was so nice to be with Jaime ( and I am NOT just saying that because he is one of my only reades). it was fun to be with my own kind.  People who get me and I dont have to worry about being too goofy or not professional.  Then he makes it even better by giving me things to look forward to.  I love that.. two or three different events.  Thanks my Jaime Cid.  I love you very much.  You make me extremly happy.

Good Bye FB -- Hello Blogging

Hello my faithful reader... If you are kind enough to give me another chance.. I wont disappoint and will update my somewhat whatever life to you... Today I made a decision to get off of FB. never thought I would. I really enjoyed hooking up with old friends . got to know my cousins and other relatives. But it is not worth it and maybe I should be a bit paranoid as well.  I will blog more and I will do my best to keep  my work and personal life seperate.  See Dandy could not have been happier. Love to you sc

oh my human puppy... how I love thee

my human puppy is Ka.. I have not blogged about Ka before but she must know how much she is loved.  Always feel ligther and happier after we talk.  Ka and I meet a long time ago when we both worked at Hotel Nikko.  I was the reservation Agent and she was the Front Desk Clerk ( the best one I might add).  I remember the first time we really talked was when my shift changed and I started to work on Sundays.  I actually liked working on Sundays because it was slow and I got caught up.  I also liked this shift becuase I was always a day a head.. Like four days before Friday.  anyway.. I remember coming to work and reading the Sunday Newspaper and Ka and I started reading the funnies together and laughing at things.  Then, one day we started talkind about Brady Bunch.. and we were able to name almost every episode and all the things about it.  We then discovered tha we had a lot in common.... mostly we have the same sense of humor and we really get each other in every sense of the word.  I remember one time we had made plans on going out to dinner and I had to cancel because I had gotten sick and I told her that I could not make it.  I remember her first reaction was to make sure I was ok. she was not mad for me cancelling, she geniuely wanted to make sure I as ok.  I never forget that.. No matter how flacky no matter how long it has been.. she has always made me feel happy and good.  I love you my little Ka and I thank DOG for you every day...

OMG- can you belive i been walkin around like this all day

SO I have been really enjoying my new phone. Have been showing it off all day long.. taking a million photo of my coworkers and a trillion of my actual foot ( by accident of course ). well it turns out that I had this huge piece of toilet paper stuck IN my pants.  this is so embarassing and when Rich Pulled it out.. I was appalled. to top it off, I even managed a trip to TJS.. with a tp and all.  well At first I was mortified and thought oh my god.. I saw EVERYONE today.. but now I dont feel so bad.  I think it is funny and more humbling-- oh good lord.  what next? or should I even bother asking

oooooooooooooooooo- i got me a new IPHONE

I am so happy.. finally upgraded to the 2000s and actually have a phone that does not weigh about 500 pounds and can actully allow me to text.  I had a lot of fun with my phone though.. People made fun of it all the time and it was a great conversation piece

me and my broccolli : )

I had such a wonderful day today as I knew I would with Jaime.  I really miss you.   We talked and talked and talked and talked.. ate and shopped - the weather was nice and cool.  I love spending time with Jaime because no matter what he makes me feel good about myself.  He listens to what I have to say and I really feel heard. I would post our video which  is quite funny but somehow I cant .. it keeps "failing" -- keep checking though my lovely reader because I may be able to put it back up-- It was also cool to share ideas and talk about our lives and know that we have not one but two events AT LEAST to look forward to ... Yeay.. ( I know I am cheating.. but I LOVE this photo of us-- and I love the picture you and dandy!!)
love you Jaime == thanks for a great Saturday

the way we look

 I remember vividly when I was 15 years old and had this really long discussion with my brother and his now wife about how we look.  I was so convinced  that it was all about looks-- that life was for people who were good looking and the rest of us, well then... and somehow, maybe because of my recent trip to Ohio or the last few interactions I had with different individuals... I am thinking about the way I look lately.  It seems it has been coming up a lot.  Sometimes I still feel bummed and I wish I was better looking which is sad given that I am middle aged and this is such a high school stuff. I should be ok with who I am.  I always wonder what it would be like to be really pretty or really alluring or whatever the word is.  A lot of it because of the tough high school years and even like with growing up in a culture where beauty was even more important than in US. and I was always told that I was not so pretty.  I was always the smart one.  and I was always told that if I put make up on or if I dressed better or cared more about stuff, I would look better.  From the time I can remember, someone wanted to fix me. to make me look better. Either by fixing my hair or putting make up on or dressing me sexier.  I always have hated that and resisted it for ever.  Now I do feel like I dress at least better. ..  However, thirty years or so.. I  still cant seem to shake this off.  I see my pictures and my videos and think i am ok.. nothing to write home about .. just ok. however, I always think that it would have been so much easier if I had been better looking.  Somehow I have to work through this so it does not keep coming back over and over to haunt me.

Healthy Eating: One old receipe..

As you wonderful blog person reader know I am trying to bake and/or cook more.  I started today but I have made this  recipe.. A lot of work.I made these recipe because our neighbor requested them.  They made us some great bbq last night and some great mint ice cream ( yes home made )  OMG..

So today I started at 5pm and now it is around 9 pm and I am almost done  At least I only doubled the recipe. The mistake I made last time was I triplicate the recipe and that took even longer.  Next time, I  may just have to make one batch-- The other positive thing is that I knew exactly what I needed and was able to go to WINCO and purchase the items rather quickly.  I made Lentil Cookies-

This is the recipe for it:

Lentil Puree: 

2/3 cup lentils picked over and rinsed

2 cups of water

Cookie Batter

2 cups whole wheat flour

1 tsp baking powder

1 tsp salt

1/2 tsp ground cinnamon

1/2 tsp allspice 

1 cup sugar

3/4 cup unsalted butter, room temp

1 egg

1 tsp vanilla extract 

1 cup rolled oats

1 cup of dried fruit ( I used prunes and apricots ) 

1 cup unsweetened dried shredded coconut

Boil the lentils and water for 30 to 40 minutes or until lentils are tender. Remove from heat and let cool, Then puree in food processor until smooth ( PAIN IN THE --- ) 

Preheat oven o 375 degree. In a medium bowl, combine flour, baking powder, salt Cinnamon and all spice

Using a mixer, cream sugar and butter on medium speed. Add egg and mix until just Incorporated.  Add vanilla and the lentil puree and mix until combined.  Add flour mixture and blend on the low speed until just combined. 

Remove bowl from mixer and stir in oats, dried fruits and coconut.  Form dough into balls about 2 tsp in size and place in oven for about 15-18 minutes

Sounds easy enough?? it is not that bad but it does require some pureeing which i am not too fond of. I also add extra choc. chips because I love choc. chips.   I did not do a nutritional analysis and it did not cow with one but I imagine they have about 50-100 calories each and about 4 grams of fiber which is pretty good.  I am not sure If I would do this recipe again .  To explain the photos:  that was Dandy throughout the whole baking.. he kept looking for food.  Rich was happy with the results.. The view of our backyard .. absoultely breathless as  I was baking..

The Dog Graduates!!!

I cant belive it.. After a rocky start.. Dandy graduated today.  I was very proud of him... He lost all his hair duirng this process-- and I think he was the third in his class ( out of three )  but neverthless he did graduate and next month we will proceed with the intermediate classes. The nice thing is that once he is done with this.. he will be able to be certified and I believe I can then train him to help the blind ( or me )

I am not sure how obedient he is but I do know that I absoultely LOVE my dog

Ohio Trip - day four

Spend the day with Janet and Laura. It was very pleasant. I am also very happy that I got to see Julie. We had a great time. It amazes me how much we get each other. Had we met today, we defintely would have been friends. I dont know if I will return to Ohio. There really is not a reason. I dont have any relatives here and there are too many other places I want to visit. I am so happy that I did this though. Right now, I am missing Rich, my dog and my routine. I look forward to going home tomorrow.
Tomorrow will be a long day but I will be ok
I dont feel very good tonight. I think I have a cold and I am heavily medicated. waiting for the drugs to kick in.. only 6 pm california time. OH BOY.. Jet Log is a bitch

: )

Ohio Trip-day three

Went to Rock and Roll hall of fame today. It was very nice. It is amazing to see things that are in the museum that were in making during our time and being with bret is just amazing .. How cool that after all these years we can spend so much time together and really have a great time

Ohio Trip-day two

I fell asleep typing about this trip and blogging about it took me to a whole different place. I had a tough time sleeping as there is a cat here and I am allergic to cats. I been using my inhalers and taking medications etc. Tonight I feels it was someone else's life -- Bret has been incredibly nice and is been driving me every where allowing me to go anywhere I want to. We also passed Firestone High School and my old house in Wichita Place.. Again it feels like nothing .. It should feel like something but it does not.. again making me think of all that happened here, all the things that were shaped here all that mattered here. All that changed here

Ohio Trip - day one

I have taken some photos but my camera is downstairs and that is where Bret is sleeping. I will post some pictures soon. Wow.. it has been a long day. Started at 3:15 am this morning ( west coast time ) - Forgot my cell phone and had to return home to get it. Made it to the airport and had no problem getting on the plain -had a layover in Vegas and managed to play WHEEL OF FORTUNE where I won $50 but I netted $20 Joanna picked me up even though she has been so busy preparing for her vacation and has been so busy. Joanna and I have been since 10th grade where we were in choir together and we were both trees at a play. We have always had a lot o fun. She has a heart of gold. One of the things I remember about her is that she would come over after school and wait for her mom to pick her up. I also remember her extremly yellow beetle which would totally be a classic if it was still around and of course our obession with Friendly's restaurant We had to stop by of course. The finny thing About Akron is that I don't recognize a lot of it. l lived in this town (well really City) for about, 10 Years.it Seems a lot longer because so many things happened. I Came to Akron as a Kid who really did not understand the language or the Culture-wanted so bad this to belong to be be-part of Something and (never did-I was never really included. People made fun. Of me because looked so weird and I
so odd. I was ugly and fat and did not get things. In a way was so innocent and expected things to happen like in the movies. expected People to see who was and how cool was. People that I thought liked me made fun of me and laughed at me behind my back. (was always the last one to get Picked. the last Choice.I left because my dad got a job in DC and We thought it would be better but by the time) I left was much smarter and wiser. I had a College degree from Kent state. I still had a lot of growing upto do but my innocent was Gone. I have thought a lot about those days. People Who haunted me and made my life so hard-

First there is Grocerry Shopping involved.

So.. I have officially started my Shahla Eats Healty Summer Project. I am going to attempt to make the 27 healthy fast receipes that were in Eating Well Magazine. I am stealing this idea from Julie/Julie movie/book. Yes not very orginial and not as complicated or elobrate but one hast to begin from somewhere. So.. today after my two back to back spin class, I went grocerry shopping for my first attempt. NOTE TO SELF: WINCO is so big and I have to be better at organizing so it does not take me three hours for five items

more to come

My FB quote of the day

It is another yucky day in Brentwood. It is cold and I cant walk. I dont have a car, so I cant drive any where. Feel a bit stuck. Miss my friends a lot.. I miss my city walks and its energy. I miss being able to go shopping whenever I want to .. I miss my long walks on Castro street.. how many times did I climb those hills ( and btw it never gets easier.. it always felt like a work out ) I miss stopping by and seeing Jaime. I miss my Monday Night Dinners with Ka. I miss my Friday Night Movies with Jeff. How many movies did we see? I cant even count .. I miss our last minute movie and dinner ( how many times Jaime and I planned a last minute get togethers ) NOW? Yes the house is awesome and it is a good sensation to pull into my garage. It is great to greet Rich and his sidekick Dandy.. So It is totally about how I look at things. So when I was looking at FB This is the quote I saw

"When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead"

so I decided that instead of being sad. I will be awesome--Thanks for that Ms. AB

boys of april ( pictures ) somehow cant combine!!

The boys of April

Tonight, we celebrated all the April boys birthdays. IT was Dan's, Rich's and Mark's birthdays.. all born within few days of each other. It was fun. We went to Tracy and ate at FAMOUS DAVE's

Famous Dave's www.famousdaves.com

I ate alot.. Had BBQ rib, baked beans and hot green beans. very tasty.. Ate all of it.. Had no problem finishing it all. It was one of those things that screaned suburbia...

oops... Somehow I cant combine the photos in here.. it is coming up !!!

my very hyper dog

Dandy is super hyper tonight.. wont stop running back and forth. When I tell Rich this, he tells me that unless Rich is playing with him. he keeps jumping, going up and down. following him around etc.

my quick visit into the city

well .. I could spend all day talking about how much I miss living in the city and how much I miss olive bread !!!!! and how much I miss my friends and how much ... but today after the rain turned out planned hike into a yummy brunch.. I figured that I may as well drive to SF -- I was in Walnut Creek anyway.. half way there.. so I drove to see one of my favorite people. and you know who you are.

GOD I missed blogging

I have been looking for different sites to be able to blog and nothing has been as great as blogspot. Timblr came close but I did not know it well enough and it was sad to have to leave all of this behind. Today i tried again just for sheer heck of it -- was able to log back on shiny happy shahla and it seems to have worked. I am very pleased. I am very happy. I think I likely lost all my readers but This is for me anyway. My life has been a bit dull anyway. I miss my friends and my routine.. being in Brentwood is ok. We have nice neighbors. but it is definitely not the city..

are you kidding me

is it really back? I been trying to log on her for ever .. and it keeps telling me that I dont have this log anymore.. this would be so sweet if it still works.. lets see

Counting the days, hours, minutes seconds

I am going to CITY on Feb 15th. I can not believe it.. I am so exicted. I cant sleep. I get to see all my friends and have them meet my dog Dandy. I love love love dandy. The last couple of weeks in the suburbia have been Ok. Still getting used to things .. I miss my friends !!!! My dog is very very very entertaining. He makes me laugh out loud at least once a day and he pisses me off once a day. I love his little face and the way he greets me when I get home. I often feel that I am the dog and he is my owner. I FOLLOW him everywhere.. and I lay next to him -- I like to hear his little heart beat and he is better than any blanket for my cold feet. I love his little doggy smell -- I love the way he walks around with his little chewy toys ( with an average life span of two days ). I love the way that he is always looking for food and the way he hides his toys in the back yard. I am totally totally in love with my dog. but I still miss my friends a lot and cant wait to see them.

First Week with new dog

I miss my friends in SF alot ( and yes you know who you are ).. although I been here for a year or so.. I miss my friends... but having a dog has been amazing... I always knew I would love having a dog.. but having one so far has been so much fun. For one thing, Dandy who is a Dandy Dandilion Terrier came from HALO ( homeless shelter ) and I saw him one day when I was at PET SMART. I walked in, and I saw him and I fell and fell hard. I tried to get him out of my mind, but I kept thinking about him .. and even Rich had to agree that he appeared to be such a well behaved dog. So calm and So damn cute. After thinking about for few days, we went and saw him again, and he was even cuter then the first time. We officially adopted him last Thursday. It is so fun to see that face when i wake up. He follows me everywhere. He comes and greets me when I get home. He allows me to do anything I want to him. I think I am squeezing him too much but I cant help it. He is so hugable-- It was not all fun though, He kept pooping inside the house ( although he was potty trained when we got him )- so we had to make sure he was not left alone. So far, we have not left him alone at all since we are so worried of what he capable of doing. He has eaten couple of the plants and has chewed on some of the papers that were sitting there. It is ok though, we are learning how to get along.. His little dog energy is big. He makes me smile and want to come home. I cant wait to show him off. He loves all his aunites and uncles and cant wait to be loved by all of you.

Everthing is fine and DANDY

....oh stay tuned
are you all ready for your new nephew?? hee hee

FACE LESS IN BRENTWOOD

I am so bummed. Some idiot hacked into my facebook account and started asking my friends for money. The scary thing about this is that the "fake" me sounded so much like real me and they are chatting away to my trusting friends. The story went like this, supposedly I was held at gun point and desperately needed money to get out of LONDON. In addition, my cell phone was supposedly stolen and no one could call me. I am so touched, however, that my friends were geniuly concerened about me and wanted me to be well. Because I reported the fraud to face book, my account has been suspended which what really bumms me out and so.. I have to wait -- Those people totally ruined it for me. God damn them to hell !!!

2012- The Dress

YOUR DRESS LOOKS LIKE A COMPLETE Disaster ( and I love it )

You can run from it ( but you cant run in it )

This one is for Jeff and Kirk.. Love you guys!!!!